The doorbell rang when I was rubbing my grandmother's leg. I did not eel like going to the door, thinking that it must be some salesman trying to promote a new kind of 'super' vacuum cleaner. But grandmother pointed to the door and nodded her head.

I got signal and went to the door. The moment I opened the door, my eyes nearly dropped out and I but my teeth hard. It was Jacky's mother. She was expressionless, staring at me as if I ad just done something wrong.

I knew there were only two reasons on why she had come: Either it was a good news or bad news about Jacky. Judging from her red eyes, I knew it had to be bad news.

"Joanna." She started and I began to wonder how she got my address. But I knocked that thought off and concentrate on her. "This is from Jacky." She passed me a white envelope. "He said if anything happened to him, I must give you this letter."

I felt the letter with my fingers. There was only a single piece of paper in the envelope.

"He's still showing no response. It's over. If he still doesn't wake up next week, I'm cutting off the life support."

I stared at the envelope for I dared not look at Jacky’s mother. I closed my eyes and waited for to say something. But she kept quiet. So I nodded, said goodbye to her and slammed the door shut.

"If he still doesn't wake up next week, I'm cutting off the life support."

Was this guy who had told me a joke about a matchstick that had scratched its head them died?

Was this guy the guy who had told me that he would always be my sunshine?

Was this the guy whom I loved deeply?

My grandmother made her way slowly to her room. She was singing some old Chinese song which I did not understand. I jumped onto the sofa, switched on the lamp and tore the envelope open gently.

Was this guy Jacky?

Gosh. My tears came again, and I knew they would keep on falling unless I drifted into oblivion.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Joanna,

As I am writing this letter, freezing remorse is washing inside my body. The ward is serene, and only in this quietness that I can fill my thoughts on this piece of paper. I regretted so many things yet I can do nothing now. I should have, yet I did not. Joanna, what I wanted to tell you is that I love you.

Since the day I first talked to you, I told myself that I must not fall in love with you. As we got closer, I continued to tell myself that I did not love you. I held your hand, I cried when you cried, I smiled when you smiled, but still, o told myself: No, I don't love you.

I must not love you, for I may leave this world anytime. But just now, someone told me something meaningful. I was taking a rest in the park when I saw an old man in his seventies. We chatted, and he said this to me: "In love, wither you love, or you don't."

It was then I remembered the day I walked you home. A frail old lady, also in her seventies, chatted with me. Somehow our conversation also ended with this sentence, "In love, wither you love, or you don't"

In love, wither I love you, or I don't. Joanna, I had been thinking. I had been trying not to love you, but the fact remains: I love you, I can try to forget you, I can try not to love you, but still, it still boils down to this single sentence: I love you.

My message. My SMS messages. I know you have not deleted it. Go decode it.

If you’re reading this letter, I must be in a coma. But I just want to tell you, Joanna, I just want to tell you how much I love you.

Just wait for me if I'm in coma. I'll be back. Peel an apple for me; I'll be still having it. This letter will be my motivation to wake up.

Wait for me. Wait for the sunshine. Wait for the clouds to clear. Wait. For. Me.

Jacky Wu

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Someone once said that time would dry the tears. It had been a month, yet my tears kept on dropping whenever I saw him.

Jacky had been going on a glucose diet for the past thirty days. I tried talking to him everyday, singing to him every week but still, he did not move.

Where’re the promise you mad to me?

If I had one of the abilities of God, I would have chosen to relive my past, and slowly, tenderly, treasuring every single hour, minute and seconds with you. Every single moment with you.

But it was too late. All too late.

I laid my head onto the side of his bed. It had been an exhausting day for me. I had to hand up all my tutorials today and I was going to have a tough economics test the following day. It had been a long while since I had a good night's sleep.

The moment I closed my eyes, I drifted into a deep sleep. In my sleep, I forgot everything and divided into a beautiful dream. I was in a crowded bus. A masculine voice captured my attention.

"Hey, hello!"

I glanced up, looking for someone. A guy had just boarded the bus, and he was smiling at me. I smiled back instantly, feeling an urge to walk to him. He squeezed past everybody in the bus and stood beside me.

"Hello!"

He yelled although he was just beside me. I laughed, but still I said nothing, as if a force was sealing my mouth.

"Hello to Joanna!"

Somehow, I felt a familiarity in this scene. Even the voice sounded familiar. I took a deep breath and regained control of myself. I looked around with my tired body and saw myself in the ward.

"Hello. Where's my peeled apple?" The images had just been a dream, but the voices were reality.